Today is internationally recognised as father’s day. It is a day where we celebrate the role played by fathers in the upbringing of their children and the wellbeing of their families. It is unfortunate that millions don’t know who their fathers are or their fathers don’t play a positive role in their lives. I read someone’s facebook post this morning and it said, “Happy sperm donor day!” This statement is made out of the pain of one not knowing their father.
It is time for men to stop being chicken and take responsibility! We can’t allow children to grow up in broken families and pain. Let us truly take the responsibility of being loving fathers and not just people who pay support money. Thinking about it some men don’t even contribute a dime towards the well being of their children.
Below are practical suggestions on how to be an effective father Signs of the Times Magazine
- Be Available
Get more involved in the daily academic and social activities of each member of your family. Engage your kids in mutually rewarding activities to show that you really care for them. To achieve this you'll need to work hard to balance work and family commitments.
I have a suspicion that workaholic fathers may be very successful in the workplace, but not highly regarded by family members who long for emotional understanding and support. By spending more time with your kids in play and family activities you'll enhance the bonding process that is so vital to their feelings of security and specialness.
| Research shows that juvenile delinquency and aggressive behaviour - especially in boys - tends to increase in the family where there is an absent or uninvolved father. |
- If you happen to be a dad who spends considerable time away from home, on business, you might wish to try some suggestions made by youth communicator Josh McDowell:
- bring your kids home a gift from where you've been;
- call home every day and talk to them personally;
- share your travel plans before going away;
- reinforce your love for them by saying it or showing it with hugs and kisses;
- reserve time to attend their school, sports or social events;
- endeavour to attend school report nights;
- speak nicely to their mother (and be a good role model);
- sometimes, if you can afford it, take them on trips with you.
- Be Responsive
Particularly to the individual needs and concerns of your kids. By being good listeners, fathers are able to develop positive relationships with their children and respond to their developing needs and interests. When you ignore them or cut them off, you send a message that says you don't really care, you're not all that interested or you're too busy to be bothered with their views or feelings.
By being approachable and responding to your children with openness, honesty, warmth and respect you provide them with a visible, positive role model on how to develop good, wholesome relationships.
- Fathers need to learn to be more expressive, especially with their sons.
| Current research indicates that a lot of the problems in marriages and family life would be avoided if men were taught from an early age to be more expressive and affectionate, and more responsive to the issues of intimacy and closeness. |
- Be Affirming
Fathers are known to play a big part in the development of a child's self-esteem. We also know they have a significant influence on their children's scholastic attainments and choice of career. So efforts to encourage and build up your child will have rich dividends.
Children relish a father's respect and glow when fathers show they cherish them personally, quite apart from their performance. Furthermore, children's ability to accept their own masculinity or femininity is greatly affirmed when you give them messages of personal value and worth.
- Be Safe to Be Around
Children instinctively feel and know that you are a fair, kind, trustworthy and reliable person.
| Children don't hang around parents who make them feel worthless and insecure. |
It's really important that you build rapport with your kids by allowing them to dialogue with you as a father in a way that invites them to challenge, question and doubt issues and ideas.
In this way they can safely explore the meaning and purpose behind life in a non-threatening environment.
- Expose Your Own Values
If you're willing to expose your own values and spiritual commitment to their scrutiny, you provide them with a safe forum in which the transmission of your cherished values can occur. Tell them that you respect their opinions, even if you don't agree with all their conclusions.
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